His parents hate me because I'm white

This one's tricky. You're not asking your boyfriend to choose between you and his friends, you and his job, or even between you and another woman. You're asking him to choose between you and his family - and his whole cultural background - which, after all, have been around a lot longer than you have.

However much he loves you, he's going to find that hard. He doesn't want to reject his relatives, because he doesn't want to hurt them and because he doesn't want to cut himself off from them. However old someone is - 20, 40 or 80 - if they are a good person, they won't simply turn against their family.

In fact, I think your boyfriend is handling all this remarkably well. As you say, he regularly chooses to be with you. He's been loyal to you for two years, against what sounds like enormous pressure. I think it's a tribute to him that he's hung on in there - and yet has tried to keep the peace at home. He sounds like a great guy.

So how can you be a great partner to this great guy? The main thing is to relax and stop making him prove, all the time, that you are number one. He's already proved that, by the loyalty he's shown. So why not repay that loyalty by supporting him to keep contact with his parents, by not throwing wobblies when he chooses to spend time with his family, by trusting that he cares, and that you have a strong relationship?

In other words, don't make it a tug of war between you and his family. The more you can stop pulling him in your direction, the less pressured he'll feel - and the less pressured he feels, the more chance you have of building your love.

Do you have a problem with your man's parents? Why not chat to other iVillagers on the Coping with the In-laws message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions taking place on the message board right now: