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My partner drinks too much
I think my partner is drinking too much. He drinks every day - usually about five or six pints of lager and sometimes whiskey as well. When I confront him he claims that he doesn't have a problem. I'm really concerned about his health. He's often sick but he swears this isn't to do with the alcohol and it's stress related. Every time I mention it we end up arguing - should I just let him get on with it?
So what can you do? You're right that there's no point in nagging, arguing or telling him off. Because your partner isn't being 'naughty' or 'bad' when he drinks; his alcohol habit is a disease, just as much as if he had cancer. So however frustrating it is, you need to be patient and supportive.
On the other hand, don't take responsibility for your partner's actions. If he gets himself into trouble through drinking, don't rescue him or make excuses - he needs to stand on his own two feet. And, he needs to realise for himself just what problems his drinking can cause. If you're patient, and neither attack him nor rush to help him, then he will recognise that he does have problems and that he has to get support to solve them.
So when he's receptive - preferably when he's ill or recovering from a hangover - be sympathetic and encourage your partner to talk about the drinking. And if he does hint that he might want help, suggest he ring the National Drinkline on 0800 917 8282 or contact Alcoholics Anonymous (www.alcoholics-anonymous.org). But if he's not receptive, don't even mention these options - you can't help an alcoholic unless he wants to be helped, however unhappy you are about what's happening.
Final point; if you get to the stage where you can't take any more, don't feel guilty about walking out. You need to look after yourself - and if that means splitting from your partner, then do it and don't look back.
It might help you to join Al Anon, an organisation for family and friends of alcoholics. In addition, the website, www.al-anonuk.org.uk, contains a very useful and frank account of what it's like to live with a man who drinks too much, and what you can do about that.
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