Exorcise your ex

Step Three: get clear of him
The bottom line is that your boyfriend is now your ex. However wonderful he is, he's not yours any more. In fact, if he was wonderful and compatible with you, he wouldn't be your ex. So it's important to put the relationship into perspective and to clear your head of any fantasies about him.

Write out all your criticisms, no holding back:

• Remember all the good times you had - and then debunk them: find something in each that wasn't really as good as you thought it was.
• Ask your friends, relatives and flatmates for their criticisms of him - and take them on board.
• Clear your life of him - get together all your memorabilia, hide it until you're ready to throw it away, or, better still, destroy it now as an act of self-empowerment.
• Make a conscious choice not to have him in your life - so that rather than him dumping you, you have now dumped him.
• It's best to make a clean break. But if you do have to meet your ex again, prepare yourself. Make positive affirmations beforehand such as 'I have moved on. I am fine on my own...' Be polite when you meet, but keep contact minimal. Switch off from him and turn your attention to other people who are there.

  Step Four: change your view of you
  Although you're feeling terrible about losing your love, underneath those feelings is a deeper, more terrible one about yourself. You are suffering not just because he's gone, but also because you feel you've failed and been rejected.