Exorcise your ex

Step Six: build a new relationship
Don't rush immediately into new love. You need at least a month of being single for every year you were together - if not more. Just concentrate on making friends and being with friends for a while. You may be tempted to go on a sex spree, which is fine although don't forget to practice safe sex - use condoms. But don't ever confuse a sex spree with falling in love or starting a new relationship. It's convalescence, not the real thing.

If you feel lonely, perhaps because you shared many friends and they've gone with him, join organisations and clubs. See this not as a way of meeting partners, but as a way of making contacts. Expand your social life and say yes to every invitation. Once you have a full social life, you can dump the clubs.

Finally, if you doubt that you can come through this break-up, remember this: five years after a relationship break-up has ended, the majority of men feel regret. Five years after a relationship break-up, the majority of women are glad it happened - even if they didn't initiate it. So hang in there. You will get over him.

Resources:
If you think that you are sliding into depression as a result of your break up, then see your GP.

If you need expert help, contact The British Association for Counselling. They can suggest a counsellor in your area, so call them on 01788 550899 or alternatively email: bac@bac.co.uk Or access the Relate website www.relate.org.uk or 01788 573 241 to find your nearest Relate Centre.

In emergency, phone the Samaritans: (www.samaritans.org.uk) on 08457 90 90 90.

These books are helpful:

• Moving On, Breaking Up without Breaking Down by Suzie Hayman - Vermilion £9.99
• Starting Again - How to learn from the past for a better future by Sarah Litvinoff - Vermilion £7.99
• The Break-up Survival Kit by Dr Pam Spurr - Robson Books £6.99
• Losing A Love, Finding A Life by Susan Jeffers - Piatkus Books £5.99