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Tight dates

by Sally Ann Lasson

question
Dear Sally Ann
How do I tell my boyfriend that he's tight? I think he's great, but his inability to spend money is a real turn-off.
Sheila


answer
Dear Sheila
This is a vexed subject. Money's never just about money. It's representative of other things. Tightness in one direction rarely occurs in isolation; it can, in fact, be a symptom of emotional degeneration. It means a person is a miser and/or a user. They will not share, they don't trust you and they don't trust themselves.

Relationships are all about risk, and someone who won't spend money isn't prepared to take one. I once had a platonic male friend who didn't have any money so I paid for everything. Then, one day, he did have money, but he still never paid for anything. It was obviously not about the money.

Meanness, in my view, is the biggest turn off in the world, swiftly followed by self-pity. It's incurable - it doesn't get any better with time. Unfortunately, there's no easy way to tell your boyfriend he's tight. He won't ever agree with you, probably because he thinks he's merely being 'careful'. Most kinds of self-delusion are endearing. This one isn't. Run.

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