Dear Sally Ann
I have been seeing a man for two months. We only meet about once a week, but he calls me two or three times a day just to say 'hello'. Even though I've asked him not to call unless he wants to make a plan, he thinks he should be able to call just to say 'hi'. He is young, handsome and wealthy and seems a little eccentric. He likes to move slowly and doesn't want to rush anything, but I keep thinking he's not that interested. I've never had someone call me this often and not want to see me.
Chris

answer

Dear Chris
Evasive, 'eccentric' young men often turn out to have another girlfriend or three. They keep several women on the go at once, rather in the way a Greek plate spinner keeps the plates aloft by giving them each a tiny nudge from time to time. But whatever else may or may not be going on, you have handed all the power in this relationship over to this man. It was petulant of you to tell him not to call you unless it was to make a plan and I agree with him that he should be able to call you whenever he wants to. You have broken a sacred rule of dating: never tell a man what to do or what you expect from him. You are going to have to raise your game if you want a boyfriend.

While he can call you whenever he likes it doesn't mean that you have to be available to take his calls. If he is being elusive, you have to be elusive. If he wants to see you once a week, you are only free to see him every other week. Tell him you've got too much work on. Plan a weekend away with a girlfriend and tell him about it - men never believe that. Get a friend to call you when you're having dinner with him. Tell him it was a friend - men never believe that either. Avoid his calls and cut them short. Tell him you'll call him back and then don't. Be very friendly. It'll drive him mad eventually.

ivillage uk

Always calls, never makes a date