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A dishonourable affair
Dear Sally Ann
I recently slept with my friend's boyfriend. We agreed it didn't mean anything and to keep it secret, although he's since phoned a few times and chatted for hours. We get on really well and talk openly about everything. I'd like to keep it this way, but he wants to be with me. I think I feel the same way. I've asked him not to finish with her for me, as I don't want to see her hurt. I also wonder if he's doing this just for the chase, and that if we did get together, he would be unfaithful - although I know I wouldn't be faithful to him myself. What should I do?
Kim
The only possible excuse for sleeping with your friend's boyfriend is the stock phrase 'but I love him'. That is not the case here - you aren't even planning on being serious or committed to this bloke. In fact, you don't mention your feelings at all, really, except to say that you don't trust him. He shouldn't trust you, and your friend shouldn't trust either of you.
It's a laughing matter that you are urging this man not to finish with your friend because you 'don't want to see her hurt'. But your best joke, by far, is when you say that what you like about your relationship with him is that you're both so 'open' about everything. Get real.
The first thing that needs to happen is that your putative boyfriend ends his relationship with your former friend - for non-specific reasons. Then, you have to distance yourself from your friend because you must not continue to dishonour her in this way. After that, you can give it a go with him. You obviously have doubts about him, so see what they amount to when there are only the two of you involved, without the distraction of a third party to hide behind.
Either that, or you both hide your guilty misdeeds in a place where the sun doesn't shine, cease all private contact with each other, make damn sure this woman never knows or suspects a thing, and carry on as normal. That would be the least selfish, hurtful option, but I dare say that just isn't your style.
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