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When love is staring you in the face

by Sally Ann Lasson

question
Dear Sally Ann
What do you do when you discover that you have been in love with someone for a very long time but never really connected to that fact? Should I tell him or mark it down as one of life’s experiences?
Marie
PS I’m so in love

answer
Dear Marie
I don’t really believe that it’s possible to suddenly discover that you’ve been in love with someone for years, and never before realised it. You’ve ‘never really connected to the fact’. What on earth does that mean? The whole point about love is that it strikes quick and it strikes deep. That’s what differentiates it from other kinds of nice feelings, like warmth and affection. And that’s what I think you’re experiencing.

You’re probably at some stage in your life when you want a life partner. And casting around, your eye has alighted on a friend who is in many practical ways a suitable choice. But, in answer to your question (should you tell him?), the answer is no. Your ambivalence is clear. You didn’t know you were in love with him, he doesn’t know he’s in love with you, he doesn’t know you’re in love with him. Love may come in many different forms, but ambivalence is not one of them. Go out and meet someone new.

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