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I slept with my husband's brother
Dear Sally Ann,
About a year ago I went to a party, had too much to drink and then slept with my husband's brother. I barely remember any of it but know that we did it, and I felt completely ashamed and have not touched alcohol since. I didn't immediately tell my husband but I just couldn't live with the secret, so last week I told him. There's no excuse for what happened and I feel utterly guilty. My husband doesn't want to see his brother ever again and I'm scared that if my in-laws find out there will be a family feud. Should I keep quiet about this or should I tell my husband's family myself? My husband and I are talking and he seems to be all right, although hurt. I know the bond between us is broken and we will never have the same closeness. How can I try and put things right?
Samantha
Oh, how I wish you'd written to me a week ago and asked me whether you should confess your foul deed to your husband. Then I could have explained at great length why this was one of those bits of information you have to keep under your hat until your dying day. Oops.
Your husband naturally doesn't want to see his brother right now. But this could change somewhere in the future because feelings change over time. However, if the rift between the brothers becomes obvious to their parents, they will start to investigate. Is your brother-in-law going to tell them what happened? Or your husband? Or, can it be agreed that they're going to hush it up for everyone's sake and pretend to have fallen out over something else?
Whatever happens, you shouldn't be the one to tell the rest of the family - you've said quite enough already. I understand the impulse to unburden yourself and I understand why you feel scared and ghastly. But your main concern now must be to try and repair the damage you've inflicted upon your husband and your marriage. Does he understand that your actions were the result of drink and not desire? They say that people's true selves come out when they're drunk but I don't believe that. Someone completely different comes out - some idiot alien with all the judgement of a moron.
Try to convince your husband that your mistake was a one-off aberration. I think you can rebuild the bond between you, if you both want to badly enough, but you are going to have to put in a lot of work. The fact that he is still talking to you at all is promising.
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