Dear Sally Ann
I'm fed up. After a long relationship, I've been dumped for another woman and my self-esteem has taken a good bashing. At first I thought I should try and get on with things alone but I can't seem to manage. I need a new man, but how do I do this when I have no self-esteem left? I don't even know where to go or what to do. I've only ever had two serious relationships in my life, and both of them found me. Can you help?
Cris

answer

Dear Cris
Nothing impacts upon one's self-esteem like being dumped. And when it's for another woman (which it usually is) the hurt is bitter. You have to get used to this man suddenly not being in your life and to the idea of him being off with someone else. It takes time to absorb the shock, mourn for the lost relationship, and move forward.

You were right to think that you have to get on with your life as a single person because, frankly, you don't have any choice in the matter. But that doesn't mean you don't need a new man - perhaps several men would be a good idea. Going on dates and having fun will boost your self-esteem because the minute someone likes you, you like yourself even more.

Where do you start? Well, where were you when you acquired your other boyfriends? We know that Mr Right is unlikely to ring the doorbell, so go out with girlfriends, male friends, go anywhere - but just get out of the house. And as to what to do when you get there - pretend you're enjoying yourself and eventually you will.

ivillage uk

Boosting self-esteem after a break up