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Meeting the parents
Terrified of your first encounter with your new man's parents? Fear not, Etiquette for Girls, written by Fleur Britten and published by Debrett's, tells you how to navigate potential in-law territory, make him proud and leave them all gushing about 'what a lovely young lady you are'
It's quite a gesture on his part and one that might suggest some commitment. Not only that, but here's an opportunity to gauge your boyfriend's prospective hairline count by seeing his father's. Of course, you'll be assessed for suitability to continue the family bloodline. Just display some proto-mothering skills in the kitchen and the rest only calls for a good balance between being yourself and best behaviour.
Sniff out background information in advance. Are they strict or relaxed? Will it be lunch for 20 on the verandah and dinner in tails, or TV dinners and hourly altercations? Any no-go conversational topics (e.g. neighbours from hell, black sheep) and any specialist subjects?
Rather boringly, it's best to dress on the conservative side. Present yourself as a fine, upstanding young lady, and lure them in with elegant presentation. Overdressing is un-relaxing for you and intimidating to them, while any scruffy or ripped clothes will prompt 'youth of today' accusations. Packing both smart and casual outfits should cover you for all eventualities.
It's handshakes and Mr/Mrs to you until invited otherwise. Remember, their rulebook is older than yours. Failing to take a present is an oversight by their book and a wasted chance for brownie points. Nothing too adventurous, so a plant and a decent bottle of wine will suffice; be more original if you dare.
You may detect hostility from the mother for threatening to take away her boy, but ignore awkward passive aggression and be the pro-houseguest. Step up interpersonal skills and table manners, and affect total disinterest in your mobile. Mucking in is imperative and serves as a good icebreaker. Take the initiative with basic chores, so don't offer to wash up, just do it. Never try to compete with the mother - let her rule her domestic roost.
Resist all inclinations to lean on your boyfriend, but follow his lead. Observe how relaxed he is and then step up the formality slightly. What might be normal for him (e.g. swearing, eating from the fridge) isn't for you.
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