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Is he right for me?
When should you consider ending a relationship? Susan Quilliam looks at six key questions that will help you reach that important relationship decision - whether to commit, or whether to call it a day
You've been together for a while now and the relationship could become more serious. But actually, you're confused. You're not having a crisis, but sometimes you get the feeling you could do better. But is this a good reason to leave?
Question 1: Is he genuinely available?
The first diagnosis to make is whether your man is genuinely available for a serious relationship. Because if he isn't, then the decision is made for you - up sticks and move on.
Of course such a lack of commitment is easy to spot if he's already with a partner. If he's been with you for more than six months then he will never leave his wife or girlfriend for you. Equally, even if he's not partnered he may still be unconsciously involved elsewhere - if he's not over his ex by now, then think very carefully about whether he ever will be.
Unavailability isn't only about having another partner. If you're not a priority for your man - if the job, the lads, the gym, or the chat room consistently take precedence over you - then actually, he's not yours.
Question 2: Are your motives clean?
Be really honest. Do you want this man for who he is and what he brings you? Do you accept him, warts and all, and will you be able to accept him in the future?
If the answer is 'maybe', look more closely at your motives for commitment. You may be hanging in there because your parents adore him... your best friend is getting married... you're scared of being on your own... it would be too much hassle to split up... your biological clock is ticking.
But none of the above are reasons to commit to someone who's wrong for you. Think again.
You've been together for a while now and the relationship could become more serious. But actually, you're confused. You're not having a crisis, but sometimes you get the feeling you could do better. But is this a good reason to leave?
Question 1: Is he genuinely available?
The first diagnosis to make is whether your man is genuinely available for a serious relationship. Because if he isn't, then the decision is made for you - up sticks and move on.
Of course such a lack of commitment is easy to spot if he's already with a partner. If he's been with you for more than six months then he will never leave his wife or girlfriend for you. Equally, even if he's not partnered he may still be unconsciously involved elsewhere - if he's not over his ex by now, then think very carefully about whether he ever will be.
Unavailability isn't only about having another partner. If you're not a priority for your man - if the job, the lads, the gym, or the chat room consistently take precedence over you - then actually, he's not yours.
Question 2: Are your motives clean?
Be really honest. Do you want this man for who he is and what he brings you? Do you accept him, warts and all, and will you be able to accept him in the future?
If the answer is 'maybe', look more closely at your motives for commitment. You may be hanging in there because your parents adore him... your best friend is getting married... you're scared of being on your own... it would be too much hassle to split up... your biological clock is ticking.
But none of the above are reasons to commit to someone who's wrong for you. Think again.
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