Meeting the parents

Getting more drunk than the parents could raise an eyebrow or two, while angry hangovers are never the mark of a girl good enough for their boy. That said, a little sherry tipsiness all round can be a bonding moment, but beware of the situational overdose and refrain from any entwinement with your boyfriend; keep that rulebook forever in your sights.

Well-informed conversation with a bite of opinion is the ticket. Modestly promote yourself; you have interesting friends, brilliant parents, a great career. Avoid controversy but, if someone else brings it up, gently embrace it.

Debate with reason, but don't take parents to task. Never gang up on your boyfriend to get other family members on side and note that gushing compliments will ring out as creepy and insincere. Never whinge about the injustices of your life.

If you are sharing a bedroom with your boyfriend, be super-discreet. If in separate rooms, your boyfriend should do the bed-hopping. Only he can steal down unlit corridors and avoid creaking floorboards and alarm systems; only he should face the music if caught.

Afterwards, write a thank you letter within a week. When debriefing with your boyfriend, note double standards. He's allowed to criticise his parents, but you are not.

Hold your horses before taking him home to your parents. If you're uneasy about calling him 'your boyfriend', then it's too soon. He'll be scared off, while your parents will sense the strain and may wrongly disapprove of him.

Warn him of any family oddities or off-limits behaviour. Prime him on their pet hates and weak spots and ask your parents to leave all the ugly-duckling evidence in the closet.

Take the lead, but let him assert his own presence and personality. Don't tease him, embarrass him or dent his male pride. Offer some guidance and keep an eye out for pitfalls. Remember, the spotlight is on him and, for most of us, that's not much fun.

Extract from Debrett's Etiquette for Girls, written by Fleur Britten, from an idea created by editors Jo Aitchison and Eleanor Mathieson (Debrett's £17.99).

Etiquette for Girls is every modern female's new best friend, providing crucial advice for coping with any situation from a first date to getting ahead in the workplace. Available to buy in all good bookstores now, or alternatively buy it online at a reduced price.

Reproduced with permission by Debrett's© 2006 For more information on this book and the Debrett's range of publications on taste, manners and correct form please visit www.debretts.co.uk