Can nice men be sexy?

Time to grow-up
Fortunately, most of the board members are not proponents of the 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' school of thought. Although many people agreed that when they were younger, they fell heavily for the occasional nasty piece of work, they went on to say that as you grow up you learn to appreciate, and are drawn to, more admirable qualities. anony23 got over her attraction to unreliable men: 'As time went on, my confidence in myself grew and my taste in men matured, I wanted respect and reliability as well as passion.' And to prove that eventually the good guys do get the girls, anony's tale has a happy ending: 'I have found my man. Not only is he handsome, funny, kind and reliable, he is also incredibly sexy (being a nice bloke he doesn't just think about his own needs).'

Wigleyman also suggests that the yearning for unpredictable passion is a phase and 'some of us grow out of it and learn to appreciate being treated well, some of us don't.' His advice to cmessenger is, 'when you're ready for a relationship like that, you'll be ready, and nothing anybody can say or do is going to make any difference in the meantime.' He urges her to finish with the nice guy to prevent her hurting him even more later on. Kanix suggests that she takes a break from the dating scene altogether, to reassess her desires and values: 'Only when you're ready can you appreciate a nice guy when you meet one, and ultimately avoid the jerks coming your way.'

Although iVillager zoe agrees that the only fair thing would be to end the relationship, she disagrees with her fellow board members' analysis of the situation: 'If you were ready for a proper relationship, and were as keen on this guy as you should be, then you would want as much contact with him as possible. I doubt it's because he's too nice or boring, it's more likely that he just isn't 'the one' for you.' This is a good point to bear in mind - romantic situations can be over-analysed. It may be that this woman doesn't find Mr Nice boring because he's too nice, but because he's too boring. Who knows? The next considerate man she meets may sweep her off her feet.

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