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How do I know if I'm in love?
Dear Sherry
How can I tell if I am definitely in love? I've had three pretty serious relationships with men I thought I was in love with. After each of the relationships ended I looked back and realised that I wasn't really in love with them. I'm currently dating a man who is wonderful. I have never known anybody like him. I love spending time with him and I feel good about the time we spend together. Even when I don't see him for a couple of days, I smile when I think of the last time we were together. We can talk about anything and he is very kind. I think I'm falling in love with him, but how do I know for sure?
Kim
It's great to hear a woman associate the word ‘love’ with a man who makes her feel happy, versus a man who makes her pathologically insecure and miserable. That is definitely a sign of mature love: your mood lifting just because you're remembering the last time you were together. It's also great that he is kind and that you can talk about anything and almost everything.
However, it sounds like you're still in the honeymoon stage of your relationship. You know, the stage where whenever you see each other you just want to jump on one another's bones, and the other person's strange habits are endearing rather than supremely aggravating. Didn't you pass through this stage with the men from your past? What factors made you ultimately decide you weren't in love with them?
Will this relationship progress into true love? Maybe. To me, love is about commitment on both sides to making things work when things are no longer new and easy. Love is about sharing similar goals and dreams, and it's about wanting the person you adore to be happy, even if what makes him happy isn't necessarily something that will make you happy. But love is something you can't truly feel for another person until you feel it for yourself - for in the romantic equation, it's not two halves that make a whole, but two wholes that gloriously come together.
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