Dealing With Exes
The Dating Game
Breaking Up
Is He Right For You?
Love and Sex
The Single Life
A new survey by DatingDirect.com, reveals 84 per cent of single Brits struggle to find a date
A sprinkling of Latte Creations makes an everyday coffee break extra special
Win a delicious wine cellar and VIP weekend to Hard Rock Calling at Hyde Park
Dream woman's got a nightmare child
Dear Sally Ann,
At last I've met the woman of my dreams. She's kind, funny and we seem to get on great together. The problem is she has three older children. One of her sons is very protective of her and is making her feel guilty about having a relationship with another man. Having two children of my own, I can relate to the situation. I've told her I'm happy to wait and give her and her son as much time as they need to sort this out, but is there any kind of quick fix? We want to spend time together but this restriction is making it difficult.
Jack
It is always difficult for adults who have children from previous marriages to form new attachments. The whole subject is an emotional minefield just waiting to blow up and every step needs to be negotiated with care and consideration. This usually means moving slowly and listening to your children's needs and opinions. Also of paramount importance is watching for signs of distress and anxiety and helping the child work through it.
Your partner's son is, naturally, protective, but why is he laying a guilt trip on his mother? Does he not like you, in particular, or does he not want her to have a relationship? Children shouldn't dictate who their parents spend time with - that's the grown-up's job. Sure, these situations need to be addressed with the children but, as long as they are handled with care, you should be able to reach a resolution.
I'd recommend talking to your partner and trying to work out what you both think is causing her son's anxiety. Then she should talk through these issues with him. You don't mention his age, but I'm guessing he's an adolescent. Maybe he has troubles of his own - at school, for example.
It's fortunate that you have your own children and therefore have the first hand experience you need to be sympathetic to your partner's dilemma. There aren't any quick fixes - the most you can do is be understanding and give your partner all the time she and her son need. Remember that her son's feelings must be respected but not at the expense of your relationship with his mother. It is quite possible to be a good parent and spend time with a partner. Everyone needs to know where the boundaries are and I suspect this child will be much happier if you treat him with the emotional fragility of a child and not as a tyrant.
Delicious
Digg
reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Horoscopes| Message Boards | Quizzes | Newsletters | Join
iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB
