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Help! I want to break free

by Sally Ann Lasson

question
I've been with my boyfriend for eight years, since I was 17 years old. Although I care about him, I'm not in love with him anymore. I've just finished college and am still living with my parents, which I find frustrating. I can't shake off the feeling that life is passing me by and I feel trapped by my boyfriend because he's quite possessive. I tried to finish with him before and he cried and phoned constantly. I don't want to hurt him, but I feel so down and bored. I don't know if it's our relationship or if it's the comedown from finishing my degree.
Emma

answer
It's quite normal to feel bored, especially when you've come down from the high of finishing college. But what you describe sounds more like the inevitable consequence of growing up. You are not the same person you were at 17 - you're an adult now, and there's a lot of life out there that you need to explore. The fact that you have tried to break up with your boyfriend before convinces me that this is what you really want.What's holding you back is fear. Yes, it will be a huge wrench for both of you to move on, but these things often have a way of being less awful in reality than you imagine. Try writing a list of the pros and cons of staying with him, for example security versus adventure, and see how it looks. Also, if you are going to start a job soon, a little independence will help to give you the strength to make this difficult decision. Dip your toes in the water of the future and see how it feels. Good luck!
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