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Am I wasting my time?
Dear Sally Ann,
I met a guy on holiday. We instantly clicked, spent all our time together and stayed on the beach chatting until 5am most nights. Nothing happened between us sexually until the last night when we kissed. All our friends called us soulmates. He's got a girlfriend of two months. He told me he loved me and all these other gorgeous things and we talked about having a long-distance relationship. I live in Luton and he in Kent. The other day his girlfriend called me. She wasn't nasty, just wanted to know what had happened. I was just honest with her. He's told her that he loves her. Then I spoke to him on the phone and he kept apologising and promised to call when his ex goes on holiday. I'm confused as I wanted to make a go of the relationship, but don't know what he wants now. I'm in love, but am I wasting my time?
Rachel
Dear Rachel,
Let's clarify one thing: the woman who called you is not the ex-girlfriend of the man you have a crush on. She is the current girlfriend. On return from his holiday, either he was overcome with guilt and told her about you or, more likely, she pummelled the information out of him and then made him give her your phone number. He is definitely sneaky, which is regrettable but not uncommon, but what I don't like about him is that he lacks backbone. Why did he give her your phone number? He had no right to do that. He made a mess and he should clear it up himself - like a man.
It's possible that when his girlfriend, who he says he loves, is away, he will apologise a bit more to you and keep you going on the side. As you live far apart, he has nothing to lose with that arrangement. Or, miracle upon miracles, he could ditch her for you. That would leave you with the small problem of managing a long-distance relationship with a man who needs full-time babysitting to keep him out of trouble. Men like this can be pushed around by women - in fact, they like it - so you could probably assert yourself over him if you came in hard enough. But are you sure you want a man like that?
Let's clarify one thing: the woman who called you is not the ex-girlfriend of the man you have a crush on. She is the current girlfriend. On return from his holiday, either he was overcome with guilt and told her about you or, more likely, she pummelled the information out of him and then made him give her your phone number. He is definitely sneaky, which is regrettable but not uncommon, but what I don't like about him is that he lacks backbone. Why did he give her your phone number? He had no right to do that. He made a mess and he should clear it up himself - like a man.
It's possible that when his girlfriend, who he says he loves, is away, he will apologise a bit more to you and keep you going on the side. As you live far apart, he has nothing to lose with that arrangement. Or, miracle upon miracles, he could ditch her for you. That would leave you with the small problem of managing a long-distance relationship with a man who needs full-time babysitting to keep him out of trouble. Men like this can be pushed around by women - in fact, they like it - so you could probably assert yourself over him if you came in hard enough. But are you sure you want a man like that?
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