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  |  Single & Dating  |  Online Dating  |  Online relationship crashed after first date
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Online relationship crashed after first date

by Susan Quilliam

question
I met a woman on a dating website and we chatted via email for a couple of months. We progressed to telephone conversations and, eventually, we met. We're both in our mid-thirties. Initially the date was a little awkward, but the evening progressed well, we talked constantly and seemed to really hit it off. We agreed to meet again. However, when I phoned a couple of days later to arrange another date she did not reply. I later received an email saying she didn't want any further contact. I'm mystified by her reaction.

answer
Online relationships are particularly prone to crashing after the partners first meet.

Why? On the most basic level, it's possible to think you're falling for someone over the web, but real compatibility is dependent on the visual stuff - how a person looks, the way they move, their body language. Meeting up may suddenly show one or both of you that things aren't working.

There's a deeper reason why online relationships may not work. The early interactions on the web can feel very safe, because you're not meeting, not really talking, and there's distance. So people like the woman you met are able to relax and allow themselves to get involved because they're not anxious about the consequences. But when things get more 'real' - as they did for you two when you met - all the old anxieties come flooding back and people can get freaked and run away.

So though the date may have been working for you, on a number of levels they obviously didn't work for your online friend. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. But all you can do is accept her decision, take it like a man and don't lose heart. Somewhere out there - possibly on the web - is your Ms Right.
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