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You're a Mum? No kidding
Dating is tricky enough, even when you haven't got kids. So how do you handle it with a little darling in tow? Mary Ambrose investigates
Becoming a single mum can be a tricky time, but when things have settled down (it will happen!), you're going to want to take the plunge back into the world of dating. But before you dive in too deep, remember that the rules have changed. You have children, so dating is no longer just about you.
And while it's good to bear this in mind, don't make the mistake of feeling guilty about putting yourself first. Too many women think mothering is about putting their children's needs before their own. Oprah Winfrey's favourite psychologist, Dr Phil McGraw, disagrees. 'You have a responsibility to look after your mind and heart,' he says, 'and if honouring that obligation means having a romantic relationship, then pursuing one in a mature and responsible way is a great gift to your children.'
So how do you make your dating a gift - and not a threat - to your children? It will take a combination of communication, confidence and consideration to make sure things go smoothly.
First, prepare yourself. When you're out on a date, remember that you were a woman long before you had children. Remember your dreams, hobbies, and interests. Children need mothers, adult men don't.
Because more is at stake now, you may not want to rush straight into a sexual relationship. Relate's Christine Northam offers this important advice. 'If you really know you don't want to go down the sexual route right away, be very clear with yourself and with the man.'
So how do you prepare your children? The best way, according to Northam, is to ask them how they feel about you dating again. 'Kids worry more about what they don't know than what they do,' she says. 'So tell them you're thinking of going out with a man and see what they say.' Give them time to mull it over and ask questions - don'twait until the doorbell rings to mention you're going out with someone!
Becoming a single mum can be a tricky time, but when things have settled down (it will happen!), you're going to want to take the plunge back into the world of dating. But before you dive in too deep, remember that the rules have changed. You have children, so dating is no longer just about you.
And while it's good to bear this in mind, don't make the mistake of feeling guilty about putting yourself first. Too many women think mothering is about putting their children's needs before their own. Oprah Winfrey's favourite psychologist, Dr Phil McGraw, disagrees. 'You have a responsibility to look after your mind and heart,' he says, 'and if honouring that obligation means having a romantic relationship, then pursuing one in a mature and responsible way is a great gift to your children.'
So how do you make your dating a gift - and not a threat - to your children? It will take a combination of communication, confidence and consideration to make sure things go smoothly.
First, prepare yourself. When you're out on a date, remember that you were a woman long before you had children. Remember your dreams, hobbies, and interests. Children need mothers, adult men don't.
Because more is at stake now, you may not want to rush straight into a sexual relationship. Relate's Christine Northam offers this important advice. 'If you really know you don't want to go down the sexual route right away, be very clear with yourself and with the man.'
So how do you prepare your children? The best way, according to Northam, is to ask them how they feel about you dating again. 'Kids worry more about what they don't know than what they do,' she says. 'So tell them you're thinking of going out with a man and see what they say.' Give them time to mull it over and ask questions - don'twait until the doorbell rings to mention you're going out with someone!
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