Relationships 

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Eager not to appear too eager

I'm glad you've asked me this question because it shows that you are rational enough to understand your own behaviour. This means that you can change and that you want to change, so well done. You've done the hard bit and the rest is easy and fun actually.

The most important thing you have to remember when dating is to do your impersonation of a normal human being. It's perfectly natural to obsess about your new boyfriend - that's the point of them - but this is information you can keep under your hat. Share with your girlfriend's as much as they'll tolerate but don't share with your love object. To him, you are a normal person with your own life and interests and you have other friends to see and things to do. In practice, that means that you simply don't have time to call him very often and sometimes when he calls you, you are busy and will have to call him back. And occasionally, you are so busy you completely forget to return his calls. This will make him feel uncertain and uncertainty is the greatest aphrodisiac in the world.

Overeagerness does scare men away. It scares any sane person away. If you met someone you might like to have a friendship with, say, would you pursue them relentlessly? No, of course you wouldn't. Even though they liked you, a new person in your life must be unravelled and discovered. An organic relationship needs to develop. Remember, nothing is leaving the planet.

The best way to calm yourself down is to consider dating like a mathematical equation. Every time you resist calling your bloke, you get a point which you put in your emotional pot. When it gets a bit filled up, you can take some points out and treat yourself to something really nice like asking him to go and see a film with you. But always leave something in the pot and never turn it upside down and shake it so that there's nothing left.

Men like to feel important and wanted but they don't like to feel swamped, especially in the beginning. I suggest you read Mars and Venus On A Date by John Grey. He talks you slowly through the elementaries of dating and keeps reminding the reader never to try and rush to the next level. There is no rush because there is no end game. You'll find that he doesn't mention sex because in Grey-land people don't have sex until they are married. Ignore that. You can have sex with your boyfriend whenever you like, just don't tell him afterwards that you love him/want to marry him/have his babies/or see him tomorrow.

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