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  |  Single & Dating  |  The Single Life  |  Cutting comments
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Cutting comments

by Sally Ann Lasson

question
Dear Sally Ann
I was recently out with a group of friends, one of whom was a man I really liked. We were getting on really well and I thought we were having a good evening. But when a friend told him I was interested in him, he turned to me and bluntly said that he didn’t like me and, to be honest, wouldn’t want to spend too much time in my company. I’m gutted. It’s not so much that he wasn’t interested, but his manner and reaction. I know people react in different ways, but I’ve never encountered such a personal attack. It’s made me doubt myself. I can’t be that bad. And why was he acting like he did like me?
Tammy

answer
Dear Tammy
I can still remember the cutting rejection of complete strangers twenty years later. It seems so much more horrible when someone you don’t know says ‘you’re ugly’ or ‘your personality sucks’ than if a man that you’re already involved with says more or less the same. It’s because you feel so wrong-footed and so misunderstood and the reaction is so out of proportion.

The only way to look at it is that this man didn’t know the ‘you’ he was insulting. He doesn’t know anything about you, he doesn’t know how to behave in public, he panicked because of whatever your friend said, and he probably deeply regrets it. He thought he was out with friends where his performance wasn’t being rated. Suddenly, it was. He couldn’t cope. I suspect, oddly, that he did like you and he was enjoying your company – as you witnessed. But then he freaked out. Give him a wide berth if he comes back for more, which I suspect he will. And don’t doubt yourself – doubt him.

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