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Single and sensitive
Dear Sally Ann
I am 30 and still single. While my sister-in-law has never directly put me down, she is constantly making derogatory remarks about single women. She thinks any single woman over 25 must have something wrong with her or else she would be married. How do I tactfully respond to her indirect digs at me?
Single
Your sister-in-law is what Bridget Jones called a 'smug married'. They're irritating people who sit in judgement on the rest of us, feeling oh so pleased with themselves. Their message seems to be that they have worked out life while you are a walking tragedy. Their newspaper of choice is the Daily Mail.
I don't think that there is anything indirect about your sister-in-law's remarks. If you kept telling a short person that you hate short people, what would you expect them to conclude? You could try quoting her statistics about how the mental and physical health of a single woman is far better than that of a married one. If she doesn't work, you could say that women who sponge off their husbands are leeches. Or why not tell her how boring sex would become if you had to do it with one person forever? Unfortunately, because she's married to your brother, you can't endlessly reiterate divorce figures at her.
Tact won't work. A single woman is constantly vulnerable to attack from everyone. You have no one to protect you, so you have to be strong. Tell her that when she says derogatory things about single women you can't help taking it personally. Ask her what she thinks is 'wrong' with you? Explain that you hope one day to meet the right man and if you can avoid sounding angry you might even engage her sympathy. It's annoying to have to humour someone so lacking in consideration, but as she's related to you, you really have no choice.
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