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Should I date my neighbour?
Dear Sally Ann,
I am a 48 year-old guy and have a new next-door neighbour who has virtually knocked me off my feet. She has recently separated and has a five year-old child. I would not usually have a problem asking a woman out on a date, but being neighbours makes me hesitant. Also, this woman is extremely attractive and could pick and choose any man she wishes - and I am just a typical looking guy. We get on really well, in a relaxed and natural way, but if we were to get together, I might feel vulnerable and insecure. At the moment I believe that the best thing to do is just remain neighbours? And yet, it doesn't feel right not to make an approach.
Chris
You say that you and your new neighbour get on very well in a relaxed and natural way. This is a good basis to build a friendship on, and possibly, a relationship. There are nuances to these things that only you can be the judge of. For example, if she were to say there's a film she'd really like to see, what's to stop you asking her if she'd like to go with you? If she says yes, you'll know she likes you. If there are any subtle changes in her behaviour on the date, an atmosphere, I think your instincts will pick up on it. But take it slowly and don't jump on her.
One of the problems men have with women is that, they almost always find it impossible to like a woman without thinking of her as a conquest first, and a friend second. That's what you mean, when you say it wouldn't 'feel right' not to make a pass at her. But the thought of you as a romantic possibility may never even have occurred to her. As I say, you will have to judge the subtleties.
Don't worry about being 'a typical guy' - that's good, if it means ordinary, decent and nice. And you must expect to feel vulnerable in any romantic situation. This next-door neighbour of yours is a single mother. She too feels vulnerable. Be kind to her, and to yourself, in the process.
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