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Love, second time around
continued from page 2
Get the deal straight
One of the potential problems each partner faces is that they have different expectations of the relationship. This is true of every relationship, whether it's your first time around or third. But if you've previously had a long-term relationship, you'll have a more fixed idea of what to expect, and your ideas may clash.
Check out each of your expectations ahead of time. Here's a checklist of topics to discuss. Take it in turns to talk and then compare your answers.
A: What do you mean by 'a committed relationship'? What do committed partners do that people who are 'going out' don't?
B: How do you ideally see us being once we're together, whether that's living together or married?
C: How do you imagine things changing between us once we're together?
D: How will you want me to be once we're together?
E: What do you think is the man's role in a committed relationship? What do you think is a woman's role?
F: What about the practicalities: where would we live? How will we manage our money? Would I work? Would we start a family together? How often will we see each other's families? (These issues are particularly vital for second time around relationships.)
If you share similar answers to these questions, then you've no big problems to tackle. You may, however, find you clash over some of these issues and have pinpointed areas that need tackling. Basically, you need to work to understand each other's expectations and to negotiate a deal that suits you both. .
Get the deal straight
One of the potential problems each partner faces is that they have different expectations of the relationship. This is true of every relationship, whether it's your first time around or third. But if you've previously had a long-term relationship, you'll have a more fixed idea of what to expect, and your ideas may clash.
Check out each of your expectations ahead of time. Here's a checklist of topics to discuss. Take it in turns to talk and then compare your answers.
A: What do you mean by 'a committed relationship'? What do committed partners do that people who are 'going out' don't?
B: How do you ideally see us being once we're together, whether that's living together or married?
C: How do you imagine things changing between us once we're together?
D: How will you want me to be once we're together?
E: What do you think is the man's role in a committed relationship? What do you think is a woman's role?
F: What about the practicalities: where would we live? How will we manage our money? Would I work? Would we start a family together? How often will we see each other's families? (These issues are particularly vital for second time around relationships.)
If you share similar answers to these questions, then you've no big problems to tackle. You may, however, find you clash over some of these issues and have pinpointed areas that need tackling. Basically, you need to work to understand each other's expectations and to negotiate a deal that suits you both. .
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