Should I stay or should I go?

One key sign is if either of you seem to be heading for a life change -taking a job, moving house, travelling - that actually excludes the other or cuts right across their wishes. Another variation on this theme is when one or both of you are having a serious affair. In both cases, you're focussing your energy elsewhere, your partner is already second best.

If while reading this, you're realising that in fact, your seemingly bright future wouldn't be so bright - or that even if it was, it wouldn't make up for the loss of your marriage - then hang in there. Try reading my book Staying Together , (Vermilion, £7.99). But if having your own way is more important than keeping your relationship together, the decision's already made.

What next?
If the decision is made, and you do decide to divorce, remember that support is always available. Relate has pre- and post-divorce counselling and support groups. For more practical help where children are involved, contact the Family Mediators Association (FMA) 0207 383 5993.

And I would also recommend the following two books: How to Cope With Splitting Up by Vera Peiffer, (Sheldon Press, £5.99);Divorce and Separation, Every Woman's Guide to a New Life by Angela Willans, (Sheldon Press, £5.99).

If you're thinking about divorce, going through one or coping with the after-effects, share your experiences with other iVillage members.