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Break-up to make-up
continued from page 3
Getting back together - or not
Over time - three months is a good minimum, but it may take longer - you will start to come to some decision about whether to try and live together again. But don't make this decision just on the grounds that you feel romantic about each other again because you've been apart. The bottom line is that if you don't change things at a deeper level, when you get back together, things will be just the same as before.
If one or both of you decides for certain that there is no point in continuing the relationship, then part permanently. Don't drag things out by prolonging the separation. Get support to survive the break-up and start again.
If you decide to get back together, prepare for it. Talk openly about what has to be different, and how you are going to make it different. Talk too about what you have realised since you've been apart and how you have changed.
Don't move back in suddenly - spend increasing time together to get used to it. (And expect some shyness about being back together, particularly where sex is concerned: gentle lovemaking with low lights and lots of romance will help!)
And expect some setbacks! You won't just live happily ever after. So don't panic if you row or wobble again - it's not whether you have problems; it's how you cope with them that matters.
Once you are sure that your separation is over and your relationship is back on track, it's good to mark the occasion. Do whatever suits you: a celebratory weekend away; a memento ring; if you're married a small ceremony where you renew your vows - all of these will help you make a new start and look to the future. Good luck!
If you're separated or thinking of separating, talk about it on theSeparation and Divorce message board
Getting back together - or not
Over time - three months is a good minimum, but it may take longer - you will start to come to some decision about whether to try and live together again. But don't make this decision just on the grounds that you feel romantic about each other again because you've been apart. The bottom line is that if you don't change things at a deeper level, when you get back together, things will be just the same as before.
If one or both of you decides for certain that there is no point in continuing the relationship, then part permanently. Don't drag things out by prolonging the separation. Get support to survive the break-up and start again.
If you decide to get back together, prepare for it. Talk openly about what has to be different, and how you are going to make it different. Talk too about what you have realised since you've been apart and how you have changed.
Don't move back in suddenly - spend increasing time together to get used to it. (And expect some shyness about being back together, particularly where sex is concerned: gentle lovemaking with low lights and lots of romance will help!)
And expect some setbacks! You won't just live happily ever after. So don't panic if you row or wobble again - it's not whether you have problems; it's how you cope with them that matters.
Once you are sure that your separation is over and your relationship is back on track, it's good to mark the occasion. Do whatever suits you: a celebratory weekend away; a memento ring; if you're married a small ceremony where you renew your vows - all of these will help you make a new start and look to the future. Good luck!
If you're separated or thinking of separating, talk about it on the
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