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Love and marriage... and divorce?
continued from page 2
Elinor's story
I met Jim at a time when I was very vulnerable. I was 21 and had lost both my parents in a relatively short space of time. Being an only child, I often felt terribly alone. I had also just moved to London and didn't have many friends. It was a difficult time.
I was Jim's secretary before I was his wife. He ran a business in the late 70s that delivered flowers all over the world. I thought he was both charming and chivalrous. He was a bit older than me, and I think I was attracted to the mature father figure aspect. He reminded me a bit of my dad and I found that comforting. Before long we started dating.
We were married within five months and two months after that I fell pregnant. He was delighted, as he didn't have children from his previous marriage. I pretended to be delighted but I was actually terrified; I was only 23 and quite emotionally immature, I didn't feel ready for children.
I found pregnancy hard and soon began to see my husband in a different light. I think pregnancy is the first real test of a couple, and we failed. We couldn't communicate with each other as he saw me as a little girl. I felt overpowered by him, intellectually and emotionally. When we argued, he would patronise me, making me feel very inferior, and I suppose my immaturity irritated him too.
After the birth, things went from bad to worse until I eventually moved to my aunt's house. A couple of months later a letter arrived from his lawyers informing me that he had not only begun divorce proceedings, but was also applying for custody of our daughter.
The next few months were hell. I had a nervous breakdown - probably triggered by the divorce, but also a long time coming. I had not really mourned for my parents properly, using my relationship with Jim as a kind of alternative. I was also recovering from post-natal depression, so the added strain of dealing with solicitors and the courts tipped me over the edge, and I felt very unstable. Jim was granted temporary custody of our daughter, and I was given some time to sort myself out before they reconsidered my case.
Elinor's story
I met Jim at a time when I was very vulnerable. I was 21 and had lost both my parents in a relatively short space of time. Being an only child, I often felt terribly alone. I had also just moved to London and didn't have many friends. It was a difficult time.
I was Jim's secretary before I was his wife. He ran a business in the late 70s that delivered flowers all over the world. I thought he was both charming and chivalrous. He was a bit older than me, and I think I was attracted to the mature father figure aspect. He reminded me a bit of my dad and I found that comforting. Before long we started dating.
We were married within five months and two months after that I fell pregnant. He was delighted, as he didn't have children from his previous marriage. I pretended to be delighted but I was actually terrified; I was only 23 and quite emotionally immature, I didn't feel ready for children.
I found pregnancy hard and soon began to see my husband in a different light. I think pregnancy is the first real test of a couple, and we failed. We couldn't communicate with each other as he saw me as a little girl. I felt overpowered by him, intellectually and emotionally. When we argued, he would patronise me, making me feel very inferior, and I suppose my immaturity irritated him too.
After the birth, things went from bad to worse until I eventually moved to my aunt's house. A couple of months later a letter arrived from his lawyers informing me that he had not only begun divorce proceedings, but was also applying for custody of our daughter.
The next few months were hell. I had a nervous breakdown - probably triggered by the divorce, but also a long time coming. I had not really mourned for my parents properly, using my relationship with Jim as a kind of alternative. I was also recovering from post-natal depression, so the added strain of dealing with solicitors and the courts tipped me over the edge, and I felt very unstable. Jim was granted temporary custody of our daughter, and I was given some time to sort myself out before they reconsidered my case.
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