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Love and marriage... and divorce?
continued from page 4
Lack of communication was the main reason that our marriage broke down. Patterns were set early on in our marriage. He became more withdrawn and I more neurotic, throwing tantrums to get his attention. We had good times too. We had two fantastic kids and we got so much pleasure from parenting - watching them grow and develop. After 16 years, however, we were both tired and eventually filed for divorce.
The divorce process was difficult but I found a wonderful female lawyer, and had the support of my father through the legal and financial process. I had two young children, aged 13 and 10, and was determined that Sully and I would remain good friends because, despite instigating the divorce, I still loved him.
My son was affected the most by our break up, perhaps because he was the youngest, and being a boy, missed his dad. But we still did a lot of things together as a family and we worked hard to be mutually supportive. It took me many years to come to terms with the reality that my marriage had not worked. In some ways I feel such a failure and wish we could have worked through our problems.
I think my divorce has affected the way I look at other relationships, but that is constantly changing as I get older. The qualities I looked for in a man during my 20s and 30s are a far cry from the things I look for now I'm in my 50s.
I think if Sully and I had lived together first, taken more time to get to know one another, then maybe things would have been different. I think that couples should have a renewable private contract together. You need to review your relationship as the years go by and different influences enter your life. The contract should cover items such as personal development, ambition, loyalty, sex and growing together. As religion is now no longer such a strong influence on the moral structure of people's lives, couples need to create some form of custom-made structure for themselves. Marriage is a difficult number, you need to work hard for it to be a success.
If you are going through a separation or divorce and need support, talk to iVillagers on the Divorce and Separation support board. Join in the live discussions now:
Lack of communication was the main reason that our marriage broke down. Patterns were set early on in our marriage. He became more withdrawn and I more neurotic, throwing tantrums to get his attention. We had good times too. We had two fantastic kids and we got so much pleasure from parenting - watching them grow and develop. After 16 years, however, we were both tired and eventually filed for divorce.
The divorce process was difficult but I found a wonderful female lawyer, and had the support of my father through the legal and financial process. I had two young children, aged 13 and 10, and was determined that Sully and I would remain good friends because, despite instigating the divorce, I still loved him.
My son was affected the most by our break up, perhaps because he was the youngest, and being a boy, missed his dad. But we still did a lot of things together as a family and we worked hard to be mutually supportive. It took me many years to come to terms with the reality that my marriage had not worked. In some ways I feel such a failure and wish we could have worked through our problems.
I think my divorce has affected the way I look at other relationships, but that is constantly changing as I get older. The qualities I looked for in a man during my 20s and 30s are a far cry from the things I look for now I'm in my 50s.
I think if Sully and I had lived together first, taken more time to get to know one another, then maybe things would have been different. I think that couples should have a renewable private contract together. You need to review your relationship as the years go by and different influences enter your life. The contract should cover items such as personal development, ambition, loyalty, sex and growing together. As religion is now no longer such a strong influence on the moral structure of people's lives, couples need to create some form of custom-made structure for themselves. Marriage is a difficult number, you need to work hard for it to be a success.
If you are going through a separation or divorce and need support, talk to iVillagers on the Divorce and Separation support board. Join in the live discussions now:
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iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB