Relationships 

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Dealing with divorce: Where to start

Getting the right advice when you come out of a relationship can be costly, but not getting it at all, or settling for poor advice, can cost even more. The right solicitor is crucial to getting a good service and good support

Here are a few pointers on how to choose the correct solicitor for you, and how to get the most out of the service.

Chose someone who has been recommended. If necessary, see a few solicitors before you make up your mind. It is important that you instruct someone you trust. Check that they belong to the family solicitors group, Resolution. While this will not guarantee quality, it should mean that they specialise in family work.

Don't be guided by cost only. You need to find someone for whom your case is their bread and butter. If your case is too small for them, you won't get the attention you deserve. If your case is too big, they might not have the experience or the back-up to do a good job.

Consider mediation or a collaborative approach. Mediation has been around for some time. Experienced mediators can help separating couples find common ground and can help them negotiate a settlement. Some people find the process intimidating and some women especially feel unprotected in the process.

Collaborative law is a fairly new approach. Both the solicitors and the clients commit to resolving the dispute without recourse to courts. If either client then wants to go to court, and sometimes there is no choice, neither solicitor can act. This approach is not for everyone, and don't be bullied into going through with it if you feel that it is not for you.

Having chosen your solicitor, listen to their advice. Don't listen to the many friends and relations who will be keen to give you the benefit of their subjective experience. Support is one thing, advice is another. If you don't agree with the advice your solicitor is giving, it will cause you problems. One of you will be wrong. If it is your solicitor, then you need to change solicitor. If it is you, you will end up unhappy and frustrated.

Solicitors generally charge in units of six minutes. They will all provide information about their fee structure and costs. Make sure that you understand how it works. Don't be shy about discussing costs. The fast track to a breakdown in a relationship is a misunderstanding about fees.

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