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Should I stay or should I go?
Things are wrong between you. Rows, silences, affairs, more rows - it's so bad you're thinking of divorce.
But should you be? Divorce is a serious step. And while no one would want to go back to the days when it was impossible to part, you do need to think it through seriously.
In my postbag, three reasons for divorce crop up again and again. Women are scared to stay ... they feel bad about their partners ... or they long for a brighter future. But how can you decide whether these reasons are, quite literally, grounds for divorce?
'I'm scared.'
If you're actively frightened, that's a very bad sign. So if, for example, your relationship is making you physically or emotionally ill, then at the very least consider moving out for a while to get some perspective on the situation.
If your partner is suffering from alcohol or drug abuse, then again the news is not good. Because it's highly likely that however much you put into the relationship, he won't be able to return it. There's no point in hanging in there.
Finally, if there's a pattern of violence, it's dangerous to stay - both physically and emotionally. The only exception to this is if your partner is actively involved in a recovery programme - then he needs a chance to prove himself. But if he is unwilling to get help, or says he will get help and then doesn't, you must leave.
For extra help on drug issues, ring Release on 020 7729 9904. For extra help on alcohol issues contact Al-Anon 020 7403 0888. If the problem is domestic violence, then ring Refuge 0870 599 5443, a 24-hour crisis line for women and children trying to escape domestic violence.
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