My husband of 15 years is very angry with me, very cold and wants a trial separation. He says he loves our daughters but can't live with me. Like all couples, we've had our ups and downs. I suffered with depression for a time and he helped me through it. Now he says he has had enough. We both work and I get stressed and take it out him by being bad tempered. I wish I could take back the nasty things I said to him, but I can't. He wants to go and stay with his sister and just sleep. He is also drinking much more than usual. I am sure he's ill, as he would never usually treat me so cruelly.

answer

It certainly does sound to me as if something has happened to tip your husband over the edge. This could be a problem at work. It could be the stress of your depression. Or it could be that he himself has started to be depressed - the drink problem, the needing to sleep, and the sudden bursts of anger are very typical of this condition.

What can you do? To begin with, try to show your husband that, despite your bad temper, you do love him. Tell him - and keep telling him - the ways in which you value him. Don't pressure him to stay, but do make it clear that you want him to. Don't stop him going to his sister's, but do make it clear that you would be delighted if he came back.

Then - and this is vital - go to counselling to get the support you need. If you can go together, that would be best. And as your husband is talking about a trial separation, he should be willing to work to improve things. But even if he won't go, see a counsellor yourself to help you cope.

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Angry husband wants separation