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Food fights
My husband tries to control what I eat. I'm not 'skinny' but feel that my weight and eating habits are perfectly fine. However, whenever I eat a dessert or treat, he gives me dirty looks, makes a snide remark and then hardly speaks to me, sometimes for days. We've had hideous fights over this (as well as calm discussions). He has been controlling about other issues such as my makeup, the pace of my runs and even the length of my showers in the morning. How can I get him to stop criticising me?
He is using his moods, his negativity and his snide comments to try to influence your behaviour. And you know what - you're letting him. Whether you bow to his commands, or whether you argue back, you're giving him control over you.
What to do? Well, can I assume that you don't want to leave this man? If you do - or if you think you do but want someone to tell you it's OK to leave - then feel free.
But if you do want to hang in there and make things work, then there's only one way forward. You need to take back the control over your own life and your own eating patterns. When your man gives you a dirty look - or sulks, or falls silent, or acts badly - don't sulk, don't argue, don't wobble. Simply tell him, out loud, in a calm voice, that you love him, but that you are going to do what you want to, not what he wants you to.
Then - and this is the hard part - when he continues to give you a dirty look, or sulk, or fall silent, or act badly - don't react. Don't get drawn into fighting because then he will continue to control you. Instead, just carry on doing what you're doing and behave as normal.
It won't be fun for the first weeks, or even months. But your husband has to learn that he can't pull your strings. And you have to learn that you have absolute control over what you choose to do. Once you learn that, then he will learn it too.
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