Why won't he move in with me?

He knows that he is in the pre-commitment stage of life and feels he needs some freedom before he's going to be mature enough to love you fully. He's stating his own needs and being clear about them, rather than denying them and then backing out later. This is a man who is self-aware and emotionally literate - someone you can rely on to take responsibility for himself, and ultimately a man who will be easy to live with and easy to love.

Of course there's always a but, and here you must accept that sometimes people change. It could be that in the few years you continue to live apart, you grow apart - or that he takes far too long to reach the commitment stage you're at now.

I would agree a time limit of, say, two years, within which you will both work at growing within yourselves and at improving your relationship. At the end of this time, if he is still not ready, you will part. That will give him a time frame to work to, and you a sense that this period of waiting will come to an end.

I'm optimistic for you - you both seem to be sensible and well-balanced people, more than able to endure a slight delay in order to get a better relationship at the end of it.

Having problems getting your man to commit? Why not chat to other iVillagers on the Highs and Lows of Being a Couple message board?