No wedding invite, no friendship
My husband's friend of 15 years was best man at our wedding. He always said when he got married he would want my husband to be his best man too. Last weekend he got engaged and his girlfriend and I have been exchanging excited emails all week. Today I asked her when the wedding is so I could book time off work and she texted back that they are just inviting family because of the expense. They obviously don't value the friendship as much as we do, so where do we take it from here?
It's obvious that this couple regard you as close friends. You get on very well with them. She was emailing you all week because she wanted you to share in her excitement. That isn't the way someone behaves when they're just being polite. There's a genuine bond there.
But - and it's a big but - that has nothing to do with the way they organise their wedding. Because when it comes to weddings, it's obvious that they and you have totally different ideas.
When you got married, what you wanted was a big ceremony with all the important people there. But the newly engaged couple simply don't want what you wanted - sure, he may have done once, but he doesn't right now. Right now, they've designed their wedding with completely different criteria in mind - what they want is something small, low-key and low-cost.
Because of all that, not inviting you is not a rejection - it probably didn't even cross their minds that you'd see it like that. Your wedding is not their wedding - and your criteria around the ceremony are not theirs. (And they have a right to do things the way they want on their special day, just as you did when you got married.)
So stop wobbling. Instead, pick up that phone and make the call. Meet up. Talk. Try to understand them - and don't insist that their wedding is run on the same lines as yours was. Above all, focus on the fact that these people are not rejecting you - so you shouldn't reject them.
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