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Unrequited love

by Sally Ann Lasson

question
Dear Sally Ann
I fell head over heels in love with this man I was seeing for about six months. He then left and told me we should stay friends. Then he ended up telling me never to bother him again so he could work it out with his girlfriend. I respected his wishes and left him to it. Now he is back in my life; he wants to make love to me again and tells me he loves me. I still love him and want that too. What would you do in my situation?
Lil thing


answer
Dear Lil thing
Hmm. This is a tricky one. Let me think…a man uses you, then lies toyou (the bit about being friends), then is honest with you (the bit abouthaving another girlfriend), then tries to use you again (the sex bit), andthen lies to you again (the love bit). What should you do?

Well, the first thing you need to do is read your letter through veryslowly. Because it’s quite clear from the way you express yourself that youalready know everything you need to know about this creep and his ratherbog-standard manipulative techniques. You know perfectly well that when hesays he wants to make love to you he means he wants to have sex with you.And when he says he loves you he means he wants to have sex with you.

The problem here is not what should you do about him, but rather, whatshall we do about you? If he came to you and said he’d broken up with hisgirlfriend and he’d like to sleep with you just until he finds another one,what would you say? If you put a liar in a position where he is obliged tolie to you to get what he wants then you can’t feel terribly aggrieved orconfused when he does so.

You went out with this man for six months so he must have got to know youquite well before he dumped you. It wasn’t a one-night stand that endedinconclusively. He spent quite some time with you and then fell forsomebody else who he demonstrably preferred. So we can rule love out. Butyou are ‘head over heels’ and that means you will have to go on seeing himuntil you run out of steam or he finds the next object of his desire,whichever comes first.

If you've got a dilemma for Dating Doyenne, post it here.

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