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Relate talks to the iVillage Families in the Forces
Relate Counsellor Paula Hall talked to iVillagers from the Families in the Forces message board about the issues of coping with a long distance relationship. Paula is a Relate Counsellor and Sex Therapist with a vast background of experience, and is an active expert at iVillage
The issues of the day
Lots of the concerns raised during this chat were to do with distance and friendships, insecurity and stress; concerns that can, and do, affect most relationships now and again. When families are separated, and you don't know where a loved one is or when they may be coming back, problems can feel overwhelming as there isn't the opportunity to talk through the worries.
Not having partners present can cause those left behind to become independent, developing their own routines so that when partners return, re-integration can be difficult. Other issues such as moving house, leaving the established community of the camp/base and entering civilian life, and not always being sure how long you are going to be in one place can add to feelings of insecurity. Understanding that everyone will develop different ways of coping with these situations helps; No one solution fits all That's why it's important to ask for support, to be curious about how others have dealt with similar situations and to offer ideas.
Some people only want and need the reassurance that their feelings are natural and they're coping strategies valid. Chatting online can be a great way of communicating with a variety of people and receiving support, but talking with partners about how you're feeling, hearing how they feel and working together on the relationship is the only way forward. Being in the forces means you may not be able to do that as instantly as you'd like. You may not want to start a really heavy conversation the moment you're together again, preferring instead to celebrate and focus on the positive aspects of your reunion, as a couple. Make sure, however, that concerns are registered and put on the agenda before you're separated again.
Solutions aren't always easy to find, especially when there are so many outside influences, but it's not impossible.
Real life problems
How do we deal with stress from a distance?
Why do I feel so insecure?
When he's away, I resort to junk food
Talk to others about life in the forces
Visit the relate website at www.relate.org.uk
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