8 steps to self-confidence

Use the ‘SET’ plan – smile, eye contact, touch – which picks up on the three elements confident people typically demonstrate.

1. Smile, and you’ll seem relaxed.
2. Hold eye contact and you’ll seem sure of yourself.
3. Touch – with a firm handshake or even just a pat on the arm – and you’ll seem in control.

For more on how to appear more confident on the outside, read my book, Body Language Secrets, (Thorsons).

5. I often feel unsure when I’m doing something new
This statement sounds negative. Isn’t it bad to feel unsure? But actually, this is a positive strategy, because it’s no good feeling falsely confident. With something new, feeling unconfident is your mind’s way of alerting you to your lack of experience.

You can solve this problem by gaining the relevant experience (or at least, as much as you can). So with anything new – that speech, those interview questions, that new skill – get background information and practice ahead of time. Rehearsal will raise your performance and, in turn, raise your confidence.

6. I worry that other people will laugh or disapprove of me
The secret here is that almost everyone feels like you do. Which means that while you’re busy wondering what other people think of you, they’re busy wondering what you think of them.

Work with that. Help other people feel better: approach them, be friendly, ask questions, compliment them. Then, not only will they like you, you’ll also be too busy concentrating on them to worry about yourself.

For more on disarming other people, read Hold Your Head Up High by Paul Hauck (Sheldon Press).