Coping with depression

If he holds back, or seems unwilling to get help you need to give him a gentle push. Nagging, putting on the pressure and emotional blackmail are not effective tactics. What will work, particularly with a man, is to treat the whole thing as a problem that has a solution.

Point out that depression is an illness and that it is usually curable through medication and/or counselling. The first port of call is his GP – offer to go with him if that will help. Or get him to ring one of the depression support organisations (details below).

Even with support, it takes a while to recover from depression. It’s easy to be irritable with a depressed partner, but if possible, don’t try to argue him out of his depression. He’s already feeling bad about himself and blaming him will make him feel worse.

Instead, point out when he’s doing well – when he has energy to go out, speaks positively about the future, starts making plans. Rewarding him when he takes positive steps will aid his recovery much better than telling him to pull himself together.

Serious depression
Occasionally, depression turns really serious and the sufferer can become prone to self-harm and suicide. If so, you need to get help urgently.

Your partner may resist help. He may insist he doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s desperate or suicidal. And then you have to decide whether to get help anyway.

In this situation there are two main approaches you can use. Either insist he sees your GP, or ask them to make a house call. Alternatively ring the Samaritans, who are available 24 hours of the day, 365 days a year. They will support you and talk to your partner if he’s willing to speak to them.