Confidence boosting special

Once you've started to build your self-esteem, you'll find your increased confidence affecting how you act in the rest of your life. Here are more tips to build on that - particularly in the workplace.

1. People with low self-esteem often put such high expectations on themselves that they can never feel good. Get a clear idea of what you can expect of yourself in the workplace - checking it out with your manager - and work to that.
2. Avoid colleagues who sap your self-esteem, either by putting you down or by building themselves up so much that you feel inferior. Instead, mix with ones who because they believe in themselves, are secure enough to let you do the same.
3. It can be tempting to think you have to handle everything alone, and struggle on even when you're not coping. But a truly confident person admits when they've reached their limits and asks clearly for more resources from colleagues and managers.
4. Get a mentor or buddy, someone a few steps above you on the work ladder, who is positive and who can encourage you. Meet regularly - say once a month - to review your progress and plan the next move.
5. You may feel that you need to hide your successes - that it's not good to brag. But it's vital to acknowledge them to yourself - and let others realise you're doing well. So be proud of your victories - and share them with others.

Making decisions - particularly on big issues such as job change or project management - may tap into your self-doubt, so you spend all your time wobbling about what to do. Here's a useful five part strategy.

1. First set a goal - and make it clear, positive and yours. In particular, to begin with, don't worry about what other people want; go with your own gut reaction.
2. Collect information. Choose three people you respect, and who respect you. Don't ask them to make the decision for you - but do ask 'what do I need to know in order to make a good decision here'. Then let what you've learned settle for a while.
3. Remind yourself of your abilities. You may be wary of making a decision because you are scared you won't cope. So make a list - maybe with the support of a colleague - of the strengths you have that could help you action your decision.
4. Remove blocks. If you know that something is stopping you actioning any decision you make, pinpoint what. Then find ways round the block by brainstorming creative solutions.
5. Make the best decision you can. Then sleep on it. If in the morning you have doubts, imagine deciding otherwise and see how that feels. If in the morning there seem to be no major objections, then action what you've decided - and stick with that.

Dealing with difficult people - at work or at home - can be a real challenge to your self-belief.

1. A difficult person is often difficult because they lack self-esteem. Instead of being angry or scared of them, look behind the facade and imagine a howling baby. That'll alter the way you deal with them - and so shift the way they react to you.
2. A difficult person can often make you feel in the wrong. So when dealing with one, remind yourself of your strong points; if necessary keep an actual list that you can read through before and after any tricky meetings.
3. Reward difficult people for not being difficult. Smile, congratulate or act upon anything they do that is positive or constructive. If they're 'rewarded' for being easy rather than difficult, they'll learn that's a better way.
4. Bridge the gap between you and them. Ask yourself what part of what they want you could actually give them - then offer that, as far as you possibly can. They'll see you are willing to deal, and so will be more willing to deal with you.
5. Develop assertiveness skills - ways of stating clearly your point of view without backing down. See the resources section for ways to become more assertive. Your Human Resources or Personnel Department may also be able to help here.

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