Suicide advice

Possibly you're aware that someone you know is thinking of killing themselves. They've talked about it. They've confided in you. More likely, you're not aware. They're putting out the signals, but you haven't spotted them yet.

So what should you look for? Typically, a person is low, tearful, irritable. Or their eating patterns change, their sleep patterns are disturbed, they're taking less care of themselves, they're exhausted.

Another key could be their situation. There'll usually be some event that's triggered this withdrawal. Loss is a key one - losing a job, losing a partner, bereavement, a major disappointment or illness. If the person has a history of suicide attempts, then you should take it extra seriously.

What you will feel
The first thing you'll feel if you realise someone is suicidal is panic. It's natural - you want to get it right; you want to save them, you want to help them. You may also get confused. Are you seeing what you think you're seeing?

What should you do or not do? Here are some common beliefs about suicide - and the truth behind them.

1. If a person talks about suicide, they won't do it: Wrong. Talking about problems will make people less likely to kill themselves. But it doesn't mean they definitely won't attempt suicide.

2. If you mention suicide, you will put the idea in a person's head. Wrong again. Mentioning it will allow them to talk about it and so ease the possibility. But you won't do any harm at all by asking.

3. People who think about suicide just want attention. Wrong. They typically want to stop pain - their own or other people's. And typically they only think about suicide because they can't think of another way out. Offer them help and the desire to die will fade.

What you can do
The first thing to do if you suspect someone's suicidal is simply to listen.

Once they begin to talk, they will begin to feel understood. Once they feel understood, they'll regain a slight glimmer of hope that there may be a solution to their problem - and they'll feel less suicidal.

The second thing to do is to get help. Don't try to cope alone. Get the person talking to family, to friends, to their GP who can help with medication, to a counsellor who can help with emotional support. Get them to phone the Samaritans (or, phone the Samaritans yourself); they will ring the person and give them support.

The more people you get involved in supporting the suicidal person, the better. You must assume the person's problem to be very big, or they wouldn't feel so desperate. It will probably take a lot of resources to sort it out, but you should strive on.

PS: If you're helping a suicidal person, you should try and get help yourself to avoid becoming stressed. Suicide is a very straining issue. Do phone the Samaritans, if necessary, and allow them to support you.

Remember: Samaritans England: 08457 909090; Samaritans Ireland 1850 609090; Outside Britain, log on to www.suicide-helplines.org for your national numbers.