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Coping with a family Christmas

by Susan Quilliam
Feeling bogged down by family? Break free from tradition this Christmas, advises Sue Quilliam

Of course you love your family. But at Christmas? That horrendous lunch with your Mum-in-law, that 800-mile round trip to see your parents,that weekend with those long-lost relatives you really wish you'd never rediscovered - these are just a few of the reasons Christmas can become a trial.

Here's my festive guide to dealing with your nearest and dearest in a way that leaves you sane and happy.

Be clear about what you want
For many couples, holidays are unhappy, stressful times. Too often, you feel you have to honour family duties. You may want to stop and think through what you really want from Christmas. You have every right to pick and choose your Christmas responsibilities. You'll probably be exhausted by the time the holiday comes round and you need to look after yourself and your own health and sanity. If you don't, you'll be no use to anyone.

Discuss it before making any decisions though. You need to agree on your family commitments as a couple, otherwise you may end up rowing with them and with each other.

Take time alone
If you decide you want to be on your own for part of the holiday - even if that means breaking with family tradition - then do it.

How will other people handle it? Most relatives need to know they are valued; especially close relatives need to know they're loved. If they feel insecure about whether they are valued, there will be ructions when you slope off on your own. So, tell them genuinely that you do care but that you need some time alone as a couple or as a family. Most will understand. See them before or after Christmas day and send your presents in advance.



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