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Skeletons in the closet
continued from page 2
Although some families find themselves not speaking after a secret has been let out, it's not a completely bleak picture. 'When I found out I was adopted, I was 19 and all I could think about was finding my own parents. I felt hurt and humiliated that everyone had known about it apart from me,' says Rachel, 30. She adds, 'After a couple of month's hard work, I managed to track down my real family. I discovered that my birth mother was dead, and the family was living in Nottingham. I now see my birth grandparents from time to time, but nothing can replace the bond that all the years with my adoptive parents have given me.' Revelations concerning identity take time to resolve, but that doesn't mean they're not resolvable. Rachel's family understood that. 'I wanted to get to know my genetic relatives, but I still consider my adopted family to be my true family. In fact, I appreciate them more than ever, now that I know just how much they've done for me,' she says.
Although some families find themselves not speaking after a secret has been let out, it's not a completely bleak picture. 'When I found out I was adopted, I was 19 and all I could think about was finding my own parents. I felt hurt and humiliated that everyone had known about it apart from me,' says Rachel, 30. She adds, 'After a couple of month's hard work, I managed to track down my real family. I discovered that my birth mother was dead, and the family was living in Nottingham. I now see my birth grandparents from time to time, but nothing can replace the bond that all the years with my adoptive parents have given me.' Revelations concerning identity take time to resolve, but that doesn't mean they're not resolvable. Rachel's family understood that. 'I wanted to get to know my genetic relatives, but I still consider my adopted family to be my true family. In fact, I appreciate them more than ever, now that I know just how much they've done for me,' she says.
If you're faced with a family shocker,
'…it's essential you stay calm, keep communicating, don't thrown blame around and don't allow yourself to be swept along by emotion,' says Martin-Sperry. She recommends explaining that you feel hurt, angry and betrayed, but don't scream and shout. Sit down and calmly explain the way you're feeling - don't slam doors or throw punches. Above all, try to look past what is happening around you and remember that if you make an effort, there's a good chance things can get back to normal in time.
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