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Coping with caring
continued from page 2
Elaine Falmouth, (not her real name) agrees with Valerie about the importance of letting off steam. For her, evening classes, her embroidery hobby, her computer and religious faith have helped her through 15 years of caring for a husband, a manic depressive with severe anxiety and suicidal tendencies.
Like Valerie, she hangs on to the happy memories: 'I remember swimming with him, gardening and taking long walks in the country. We would be in the same house but pursuing different hobbies in different rooms. Now he wants me in the same room all the time.'
Elaine admits that the biggest loss for her is 'fun and laughter.' Her life now is, 'a constant round of reassurance, motivation, giving medication, assessing his moods to judge what he'll be like for the rest of the day and whether there is a crisis looming.'
'In the early years of his illness, we lost a lot of friends who couldn't cope with his behaviour and life became very lonely. Both my children left home as soon as they were 16, and our youngest worries all the time that she has the same illness as her dad. She finds it difficult to be around him'.
Leading her husband home, his socks wet and dripping after an attempted drowning in a local stream, marked the lowest point of her marriage. The ambulance parked outside her home heightened her humiliation.
Yet Elaine recalls a very different man. 'When we met, my husband was the life and soul of the party. He loved children and they loved being around him. It wasn't until we'd been married for about 20 years that I learned this had all been a cover. His brother, who had schizophrenia, lived in a mental hospital and committed suicide. About 15 months later, his eldest sister also committed suicide after many attempts. Four years ago, his youngest sister succeeded in killing herself after many awful attempts. Today, my husband is mostly emotionless unless he is stressed. He has no confidence in his abilities or motivation to do anything.'
Elaine Falmouth, (not her real name) agrees with Valerie about the importance of letting off steam. For her, evening classes, her embroidery hobby, her computer and religious faith have helped her through 15 years of caring for a husband, a manic depressive with severe anxiety and suicidal tendencies.
Like Valerie, she hangs on to the happy memories: 'I remember swimming with him, gardening and taking long walks in the country. We would be in the same house but pursuing different hobbies in different rooms. Now he wants me in the same room all the time.'
Elaine admits that the biggest loss for her is 'fun and laughter.' Her life now is, 'a constant round of reassurance, motivation, giving medication, assessing his moods to judge what he'll be like for the rest of the day and whether there is a crisis looming.'
'In the early years of his illness, we lost a lot of friends who couldn't cope with his behaviour and life became very lonely. Both my children left home as soon as they were 16, and our youngest worries all the time that she has the same illness as her dad. She finds it difficult to be around him'.
Leading her husband home, his socks wet and dripping after an attempted drowning in a local stream, marked the lowest point of her marriage. The ambulance parked outside her home heightened her humiliation.
Yet Elaine recalls a very different man. 'When we met, my husband was the life and soul of the party. He loved children and they loved being around him. It wasn't until we'd been married for about 20 years that I learned this had all been a cover. His brother, who had schizophrenia, lived in a mental hospital and committed suicide. About 15 months later, his eldest sister also committed suicide after many attempts. Four years ago, his youngest sister succeeded in killing herself after many awful attempts. Today, my husband is mostly emotionless unless he is stressed. He has no confidence in his abilities or motivation to do anything.'
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