Relationships 

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Nine women, nine lives

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The single mum


Donna Irving, 33, lives in Brighton and raises her son Oliver, 3, on her own, after splitting with her partner, Greg, while pregnant

"When I was younger I thought I'd be happily married and have 2.4 kids by the time I was 25, but life hasn't worked out this way. I'd have relationships but none seemed to last. I simply didn't meet anyone I could imagine settling down with.

I hit 30 and began to feel broody. At the same time I started a relationship with Greg. It was never particularly serious and I think we'd always got along better as friends. Shortly after we began what was effectively a fling, I discovered I was pregnant. Greg went mad. He always said he never wanted children and even though I had been feeling broody, this was an accidental pregnancy. I was on the pill when I got pregnant, so there was no way I'd contrived this to happen. I seriously considered abortion because Greg made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to be involved with a child he believed I'd 'tricked' him in to having. I went as far as booking an appointment for a termination but, in the end, I couldn't go through with it. At 30 (as I was at the time) I wondered how many other opportunities I'd get to have a baby. I hadn't met a suitable partner, yet and felt that if I gave up this chance I wouldn't get another.

Greg ended all contact with me and I went through pregnancy alone, which was very difficult. People constantly asked me how my 'husband' felt about the prospect of becoming a dad. I got sick of explaining that I was doing this on my own. Fortunately, I'm from a large and incredibly supportive family so I always had someone to come to antenatal appointments and classes with me, and my Mum and older sister attended the birth.

Coming home alone with a baby was a big shock. When you're a single parent, no matter how supportive your friends and family are, in the end, the care of your child is all down to you. You do every nappy change and night feed yourself, which can be lonely and exhausting. And while friends and family are happy to share in your child's achievements, there's no one at home to turn to and go soppy over every little thing baby does. Financially, it was tough, too. I manage an independent bookshop, so I worked right up until Oliver was born, then went back part-time when he was three months old. Childcare is ridiculously expensive but I'm lucky enough to have two sisters who helped me out when he was small, then I managed to pay for a nursery place when he turned one. It was important to me to keep working to show that I could cope and support my child.

Greg came back into our lives when Oliver was about six months old. I think his parents pressurised him to make contact and offer some support because he is their only grandchild. We now have a civilized and friendly relationship. Oliver spends time with Greg and his family and he knows him as 'Dad'. Greg has fallen in love with Oliver and Oli adores his Dad, so it was right to let them forge a relationship.

Single parents have a really bad press and, while it is tough both financially and emotionally, it is possible to raise a happy, confident and well-adjusted child when doing it alone. I think Oli is proof of that. He's a real cheeky little monkey, incredibly sociable and loving and I feel endlessly proud of him. It's been tough, but it's also been the best thing I've ever done in my life. I can't imagine not having him with me now."

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