Relationships 

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Nine women, nine lives

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Childless by choice


Dee Rooke, 39, lives in Alton Barnes in Wiltshire and is currently setting up an ethical travel agency. She and her husband Phillip, 35, decided early in their relationship that they would not have children

"It's funny how often you have to explain, sometimes to complete strangers, why you've decided not to have children. It's as if people can't get their heads around the concept, and they ask quite personal questions that you wouldn't dream of coming out with, if it was the other way round. I mean, I'd never say to someone, 'Why have you just had a third child when your other two kept you up half the night with colic?' I'm sure people think we're quite selfish but it's been a conscious choice of ours not to have kids. Once I started work, kids were just never seriously on my 'to do' list and for some reason this seems to really bother some people.

When I was younger, I assumed I'd do what everyone else does and get married and have a couple of children but, after finishing a degree in psychology, I went straight out to work and loved it. I worked in media sales and was always looking for the next career opportunity and promotion and there just wasn't time to even think about having kids. Also, I didn't meet anyone I wanted to settle down with and, as you get older, you're less and less prepared to compromise.

When I hit my early thirties I did go through a bit of a broody phase but I think that was more to do with the fact that so many of my friends were having children. I really questioned myself about it but I still didn't feel fully prepared to have a child, so I put it out of my mind.

Phil and I got together seven years ago and we've been married for three. I think it was within half an hour of exchanging vows that the first person came up to us and asked when we were going to have a baby. We often talked about whether would we have children, but, by the time I hit my mid-thirties, I had pretty much decided that I didn't want to have any of my own. I asked Phil how he felt about that and fortunately we both agreed that parenthood wasn't for us.

Don't get me wrong, we love our friends' children and I have nieces and nephews who are great, too. It's lovely to spend time with other people's children, but it's also nice when they go home, too. Having children is more than a full-time job - they become your life and I just don't think I'm prepared to make that sacrifice. I fully respect others' decision to have children. If it's for you then great, but for me, it just wasn't something that I've desperately felt I needed to do to feel complete.

Phil and I have discussed what we would do should one of us change our mind in a few years time. I think we'd seriously consider adoption because there are plenty of children already out there who need a home, or we'd consider sponsoring orphaned children in poorer parts of the world.

Ultimately, I think it's all about choice and I think women today are incredibly lucky to have the scope of choice that they do. If I'd been born not so long ago, there would be no question of me 'deciding' not to have children, it just would have been the norm."

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