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Nine women, nine lives

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Working-from-home mum


Melissa Balment, 33, works from home as a freelance journalist. She lives in Woodford Green, Essex, with her husband Del and two sons, Zachary, 4 and Finn, 22 months

"I went freelance shortly after Zac was born. Previously, I'd worked as a staff writer on teen magazines, but I knew that when I had children, I'd go freelance because it's the perfect job to do from home. Before I had the boys, I thought it would be quite easy towork with children in the house. Now I know that's not the case, so I spend a lot of time trying to crowbar bits of work around the boys' increasingly busy social schedule.

I often feel guilty that I'm doing a lot of things averagely well. I'm not being a very good mum because I'm distracted by work and I'm not doing very good work because I have two small children to look after while I work. I find myself plonking the boys in front of CBeebies when I need to interview a psychologist for a feature I'm writing, and then find myself apologising to the psychologist when Zac gets on the other phone extension and tells us both that he needs to do a poo. Until very recently, I didn't have any organised or paid-for childcare. I've now arranged for Finn to spend one day a week at nursery and for Zac to spend that day 'officially' at my Mum's. This leaves me with one clear day for work. But if I'm busy, my mum comes and helps out any time I need.

I'm very fortunate to have my parents living very close by and they're incredibly helpful when it comes to looking after the boys. My mum comes around most days to play with them while I work. I'm happy because the boys couldn't be in better possible care, and they love spending time with her. There's no financial burden either, although this is counterbalanced by a slight burden of guilt. I feel as if I'm constantly asking my Mum for help and, despite the fact that she's never said anything, I get a slight impression that she wonders why I really have to work when caring for my children should be my only priority. Once my brothers and I were born, my Mum never worked. I sense that she feels my work is trivial, a bit unnecessary and is taking me away from the boys.

My husband also does his fair share. If I'm busy, he takes the boys to the park or the pool on his day off so I can get some work done. It's not really ideal and I often feel panicky about meeting deadlines as I'm never sure when I'll find the time to write those last 500 words. I always seem to scrape through. I sometimes wonder if more organised childcare would make life a bit less chaotic.

Despite my panic about doing a job properly, I still feel lucky in comparison with my friends who, for financial reasons, have to go into an office to work. They always seem to be worrying about the care their children are receiving in nursery, or grabbing time off from their jobs, when the nanny unexpectedly calls in sick. I love the fact that I'm around in the day for the boys and I can always postpone an interview and go and help make cakes in Zac's nursery or take Finn to the doctors at any time. I can pick and choose what work I will and won't do, and I never have any problems with nurseries or childminders.

Sometimes I dream about stopping work entirely, just because I feel constantly stressed by having to juggle all the options. But living and working in London means that we can't afford to go without the money I earn, minimal as it is.

Also, I would go crazy if I just stayed at home with the boys all day. I'm not ashamed to admit that, as gorgeous and lovely as they are, there are many aspects of motherhood that I find utterly mind-numbing - hearing the Thomas the Tank Engine theme tune for the 27th time in one day or picking up peas mulched into the floorboards.

I love the fact that I can still call myself a journalist; that I'm part of something more than just the local mum-and-toddler group and that, despite all the panic about finishing work on time, I can show Zac my name or picture in a newspaper. I love the fact that he realises the time I spent in the office furiously bashing away at the computer, while he played with his train set in the next room, has borne results. It means that as well as being a mum, as challenging, rewarding and exhausting as that is, I've still got a part of the 'me' that I was before I had kids."

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