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How do you tell someone you think they're rushing into love?
My brother, who's gay, recently met someone online. It's been a mere two weeks, and he is already saying, 'I love you'. I'm afraid he's moving too fast, and I don't want to see him hurt. How can I help him, or do I just sit back and help pick up the pieces afterwards?
dmr
You never know, but the relationship might work out, so your doubts will have been for nothing and your brother could end up resenting you. I know of some online meetings that have blossomed into happy relationships.
There's no way we can protect those we love from being hurt and in matters of the heart, passions run deep and opinions are often inflexible. All you can do is support your brother. Support, however, doesn't just mean agreeing with him. Often it means agreeing to disagree.
The biggest mistake you can make is to tell your brother what a big mistake he's making. If the romance falls apart and he suffers a loss of face, it will then be difficult to mend your relationship. Instead, ask questions like 'Have you thought about ...' when you tell him your reservations. You can say something like; 'Saying, 'I love you' after only two weeks seems a bit quick. I don't think I could ever move that fast.'
And never, ever run down the new love in question, no matter how much you are tempted. Remember that this new person is part of your brother's life now, so to criticise him is to criticise your brother. Never say, 'I told you so', as that too is a guaranteed way to damage your relationship with your brother.
Sometimes support is as much about self-control as action. This situation will, I'm certain, teach that one way or another. Good luck!
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