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Trouble with sister-in-law
I'm having trouble with my sister-in-law and her daughter. My husband and I have been together for almost three years. Our relationship is great, but my in-laws are driving me crazy. My husband has a five-year-old boy and I'm his stepmother. But whatever I do with the boy simply isn't good enough for his sister and niece. My mother-in-law has no problems with how we're bringing up our son, and although neither my husband nor I want to cause trouble with the family, we don't know what to do. Can you help?
What's happening here is this. Your mother-in-law accepts you as part of the family now, and trusts you to be a good stepmother to her grandson. She understands that what goes on in your family unit is up to you, and that outsiders shouldn't interfere.
But your sister-in-law and her daughter don't understand that. They think that you're the outsider, and that they need to make sure you're doing a good job with your husband's lad. That's why they're interfering.
It's obvious that the record needs to be set straight. But to be honest I don't think it is up to you or your husband to do that. What your sister-in-law and her daughter need is a strong statement from someone they trust - in other words, your mother-in-law - that you're ok, and that they should trust you.
Ask your mother-in-law for help. Tell her your concerns - that you're feeling a lack of trust . And tell her that you really want to be part of the family, and that you don't want to make waves. Then ask her to have a word with her daughter and granddaughter.
They won't come round at once, but as time goes by and they see you are a good mother to your stepson, things will get easier.
Are you a step-parent? Talk through the issues on the Step Family Support message board.
But your sister-in-law and her daughter don't understand that. They think that you're the outsider, and that they need to make sure you're doing a good job with your husband's lad. That's why they're interfering.
It's obvious that the record needs to be set straight. But to be honest I don't think it is up to you or your husband to do that. What your sister-in-law and her daughter need is a strong statement from someone they trust - in other words, your mother-in-law - that you're ok, and that they should trust you.
Ask your mother-in-law for help. Tell her your concerns - that you're feeling a lack of trust . And tell her that you really want to be part of the family, and that you don't want to make waves. Then ask her to have a word with her daughter and granddaughter.
They won't come round at once, but as time goes by and they see you are a good mother to your stepson, things will get easier.
Are you a step-parent? Talk through the issues on the Step Family Support message board.
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