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New life for mum?
I am really worried about my mum. Dad left her last year after 27 years of marriage and three children. It was a shock to all of us. My mum relied on him for everything - money, transport, etc and had done since she was 14. Now she has to sell her much-loved family home and she has very little money to get a new place. She also discovered that dad had many affairs throughout their marriage. She feels raw and hurt by what's happened and her self-esteem is rock bottom. How can I help?
Your mum needs two sorts of support here. The first is practical - she needs to learn to cope on her own. Don't just take over for her, or do everything yourself - that will leave her feeling dependent, vulnerable and helpless. Instead, show her how you cope, with the expectation that soon she will be able to manage on her own.
The second support your mum needs is emotional - in order to regain her self-confidence. She needs to know you love and care for her. She needs to know that her marriage breakdown is not her fault. And she probably needs to get very angry with your father for a while and blame him for what's happened.
Most importantly, she needs to learn to be a different person - someone separate from your father, someone much more mature than the woman she has been up to now. In the same way as she needs to learn to manage practically, she needs to learn how to manage emotionally. But you are too close to her help with that - she needs professional help from outside the family. I recommend that you support her to make an appointment with Relate or suggest she sees her GP for counselling.
Not sure how to deal with a problem? Get help and support on Coping with a Crisis
The second support your mum needs is emotional - in order to regain her self-confidence. She needs to know you love and care for her. She needs to know that her marriage breakdown is not her fault. And she probably needs to get very angry with your father for a while and blame him for what's happened.
Most importantly, she needs to learn to be a different person - someone separate from your father, someone much more mature than the woman she has been up to now. In the same way as she needs to learn to manage practically, she needs to learn how to manage emotionally. But you are too close to her help with that - she needs professional help from outside the family. I recommend that you support her to make an appointment with Relate or suggest she sees her GP for counselling.
Not sure how to deal with a problem? Get help and support on Coping with a Crisis
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